Compelling Conversations

Questions and Quotations on Timeless Topics for ESL learners and teachers

Archive for category conversation starters

Conversation Tip 5: What has pleasantly surprised you today?

Nov 8

Posted by Eric Roth in Amazon, Compelling Conversations, Conversation Tips, ESL, English class, conversation starters | No Comments

What pleasantly surprised you today?

This question often causes people to pause, reflect, and change their dialogue. It gives us a chance to remember some moments of satisfaction, and reminds us that almost every day provides some unexpected moments. “What surprised you today” works too.

But I prefer adding the “pleasantly” to counter dialogues that can run to the negative. This positive question opens up room in a conversation for people to express gratitude for what has gone right – even in a difficult day. We bump into friends while shopping, see a new plant or flower in the yard, read something odd on the internet, or receive an unexpected call. As the ancient Latin proverb goes, “expect the unexpected.” Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t.

What has pleasantly surprised you today? English teachers can use this question as a writing cue, during student-teacher conferences, or with co-workers. Students, especially at more competitive schools, can often feel great stress. Asking students about what is going right in their lives can help them focusing only on the negative. In fact, almost every one can use a gentle nudge toward away from stress and toward gratitude.

So what pleasantly surprised me today? I noticed a new review for Compelling Conversations on Amazon written from Europe. A satisfied customer in Milan, Italy – Siano Luigi “EMY” called Compelling Conversations “a great help!”. This English teacher and private tutor wrote, “I find this book to be a great help for conversation lessons. It’s full of questions/tips/quotes that help students to discuss together, in group or individually on all kinds of different topics.” Given my limited distribution globally, this warm review from far away counts as a pleasant surprise!

Gratitude, as ever, seems appropriate. Finding ways to increase our gratitude for our 21st lives makes emotional sense. Asking this simple question is my fifth conversation tip. Help build gratitude, and create better conversations.

What has pleasantly surprised you today?

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Reading Pleasures and Conversation Starters

Sep 11

Posted by Eric Roth in Conversation Tips, ESL, book reviews, conversation starters | No Comments

A new semester begins, new students enter our classes, and returning colleagues greet us. What can talk about that will go beyond the work-related activities?

Books.

Teachers, especially English teachers, love to talk about their summer reading. Reading remains a cheap pleasure and an excellent conversation starter.

* Can you recommend a good book?
* What did you this summer?
* What are reading these days – besides student papers?

Books and ideas still matter in our 21st century global culture of blogs, especially for starting conversations. Discussing books, sharing ideas, and exchanging tips helps elevate casual office chit-chat into more satisfying verbal exchanges.

In the past few weeks, I’ve enjoyed several satisfying conversations with my teaching colleagues – and a few more memorable conversations with strangers about books. How?

I looked around, noted the reading choices of folks, and asked a friendly question.

• Is that a good book?
• How did you choose that book?
• Can you recommend a good book?

Likewise, talking about books and reading pleasures gives us new information about our world – and insights into our friends and students. For longer, better conversations, you can ask the following questions:

• What’s the best book you’ve read this year?
• Who is your favorite author, anyway?
* How have your reading habits changed?
• Are you still reading Alain de Botton?
* What are you reading these days?

If you have time to listen, the answers might surprise you.

Our English students also enjoy talking about their favorite books and reading experiences. Here’s a link to a conversation lesson that I’ve had success with in high intermediate and advanced ESL/EFL classes.
http://compellingconversations.com/pdf/reading_pleasures.pdf

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Are you prepared? Are you ready? Aren’t you nervous?

May 23

Posted by Chimayo Press in Conversation Tips, EFL, ESL, ESL/EFL teachers' resources, Speaking Skills, Teaching English in Vietnam, VESL, adult education, conversation starters, educational philosophy, teaching tips, workplace communication skills | 3 Comments

During the last hectic week of international travel and professional development presentations, I’ve been heard a few simple questions over and over.

  • Are you ready?
  • Are you prepared?
  • Aren’t you nervous?
  • Do you have enough time to do that?
  • When are you going to sleep?

Friends – and close relatives – ask these questions out of concern and curiosity.  I appreciate their questions and enjoy our discussions.  My confidence can lead me to underestimate the difficulty of  projects, tasks, and chores. I should manage time better, probably reduce my commitments, and prioritize more. Yet that’s easier said than done when pursuing multiple projects and working with people on different continents. I also like my work, and appreciate new challenges.  And I can draw on a considerable amount of experience as a  world traveler and English teacher. Despite approaching deadlines, I tend to feel strangely comfortable.

For instance, this week I left Los Angeles to begin a new position creating a Practical and Academic English program in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. Packing for a ten-week summer trip takes considerable time. So does writing up detailed course descriptions, planning professional development workshops, and writing a high school graduation speech. Tracking Compelling Conversations book orders, planning website and blog changes, and interviewing ESL/EFL teachers also takes time. So sleep becomes a lower priority and friends keep asking those few simple, reasonable questions.

They are good questions and fine conversation starters too. In our often-hectic world, many people make the same “good mistakes” as me. As a result, these simple questions seem about time management seem timeless. English teachers can – and I’d suggest should – introduce these practical questions to their students. Business English teachers and workplace instructors, of course, frequently include entire lessons to personal time management skills. Letting students ask these questions and interview each other will also lead to interesting classroom conversations.

By the way,  despite my last minute style, I was actually quite prepared. I quickly packed, arrived safely in Vietnam and lead an engaging workshop on creating autotelic materials for EFL students.  Experience and expertise help – even on limited sleep!

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Authentic Conversations vs Crazed Crowds in Slumdog Millionaire and The Wrestler

Feb 22

Posted by Chimayo Press in Compelling Conversations, ESL, Speaking Skills, adult education, conversation starters, tutoring tips | 7 Comments

Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire yet? What about the Wrestler? Both of these outstanding films offer many poignant scenes, powerful performances, and excellent dialogue. Both movies should collect at least a few Oscars tonight.
Yet one often overlooked feature of both films remains their depiction of the allure and danger of crowds. A mob scene, fueled by religious hatred, leads to a brutal massacre in Slumdog Millionaire that haunts the main character. Unfortunately, as the recent televised terrorist attacks in Mumbai show, religious intolerance remains a huge problem both within India and between India and Pakistan.
Likewise, The Wrestler shows the pleasures for a star pe- whether as a wrestler or stripper – of a crowd’s attention and brief affection. Yet the film also discloses both the fragility of the crowd’s affection – and ugly underside that can emerge. Wresting crowds scream for righteous violence, pushing performers to both abuse their rivals and themselves to appease the calls for literal blood. How far have we really come since ancient Roman gladiators?
Further, both award-winning films show how individuals need to connect and overcome isolation. Authentic, private conversations offer a chance for characters to find solace, friendship, and love.
The Wrestler gives glimpses into the possibilities for a broken father-daughter relationship with seaside walks and talks. Yet it also painfully portrays the gap between vague intentions and actual commitment when a father fails to ask questions, listen to, and pay attention to his daughter.
In the film, the wrestler knows almost nothing about his daughter – and can only relate on a superficial role to role manner. Without giving away too much of the plot, the main character’s inability to really talk to and care about females leads to dangerous dependence on worshiping crowds. He could relate to groups of people – and his profession encouraged relating based on stereotypes. This failure to engage with individuals instead of abstract types causes many painful mistakes – and helps push the Wrestler over the edge.
I recognize that creating space for authentic classroom conversations, especially in a second, third, or fourth language is difficult. Private English tutors often form a closer, more natural bond while teaching English than many adult education English teachers working with large classes. That’s probably inevitable since numbers do matter. After all, tutors can tailor their private English lessons to their clients and allow natural conversations to evolve.
Yet caring, thoughtful English teachers can also carve out some space for students to express their thoughts and share their experience in both classroom discussions and private conversations. Conversation practice, however, makes English class far more student-centered and gives students a chance to learn by doing. In fact, I consider teaching conversation skills to be an essential skill for everyone – parents, children, immigrants, workers, wrestlers, policeman, and family members. Conversation allows us to learn about others, explore our own lives, and overcome loneliness. Just asking questions, listening to responses, and exchanging a few reflective words can deepen and improve relationships – inside a classroom and outside in the world.
Authentic conversations as the healthy counter to mindless violence of crazed crowds can be clearly seen in both Slumdog Millionaire and The Wrestler. Perhaps that message will reach some of the estimated 1 billion people watching the Oscar show later tonight on television and at parties. I hope so.
As Thomas Mann wrote, “Silence isolates… Conversation is civilization itself.”

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Do you match? How do you know? Bringing Realism to Relationship discussions in ESL Classrooms

Feb 14

Posted by Chimayo Press in Compelling Conversations, Conversation lessons, ESL, adult education, conversation starters, favorite quotations, forms and worksheets | No Comments

Are you romantically involved? Do you match your partner? How do you know? Who will you choose to share your life with? Are you considering marriage? Are you already married? Use these questions as a springboard to reflect on your options, choices, and desires on this Valentine’s Day.

Here is chapter #33 from Compelling Conversations that many friends have told me is better for native speakers than English language learners or ESL classrooms. Perhaps they are right. On the other hand, I’ve had great conversations in my adult ESL and college ESL classes using this chapter too.

As both a happily married man of 14 years and the child of divorced parents, these questions seem like smart questions to ask – even for romantics on Valentine’s Day. Perhaps especially on Valentine’s Day when the official propaganda of “love will conquer all” seems so pervasive. So whether English teachers ask themselves, their partner, or their students these questions, I’d like to share this list on my blog tonight.

I’m also including a short videoclip from Discovery News that I found quite interesting on the origins of kissing and how that satisfying activity is believed to have spread around the globe. Enjoy!

The Skinny on Smooching from Discovery News

1. Why do (did) you want to get married?
2. Do (did) you have a checklist of qualities for a potential spouse?
3. What are the three main qualifications on your checklist? Partner?
Provider? Lover? Friend?
4. When did you fall in love? Did one person fall first? Who?
5. How did you know your lover was the one? How did your thinking
evolve?
6. Did you ever have moments of doubt? How did your thinking evolve?
7. Do you think people should live together before they get married?
Why? Can you share some examples?
8. Are sex, love and marriage linked in your mind, or is each separate?
How are they different?
9. What are some endearing qualities of your companion?
10. Do you like your partner’s friends? Do you respect them? Why?
11. What advice have your parents and close friends given you? Your
extended family? How important is their opinion in your decision? Why?
12. Do you think you are marrying only an individual or are you also
marrying your spouse’s family? How would you describe your
potential in-laws?
13. What does your partner do that annoys you?
14. Do you expect to be the pilot, co-pilot, or passenger in the
marriage? Why?
15. What, if anything, would definitely cause you to divorce? Why?

Q U E S T I O N S A N D Q U OTAT I O N S O N T I M E L E S S TO P I C S • 1 0 5
V O C A B U L A R Y
Review these words and expressions. Circle the words that you know.
potential ……………………………………………………………………………………….
neat freak ……………………………………………………………………………………..
spouse …………………………………………………………………………………………..
nupital ………………………………………………………………………………………….
conflicts ………………………………………………………………………………………..
checklist ………………………………………………………………………………………..
resolve ………………………………………………………………………………………….
pre-nuptial ……………………………………………………………………………………
compatible ……………………………………………………………………………………
pack rat ………………………………………………………………………………………..
justify ……………………………………………………………………………………………
evolve …………………………………………………………………………………………..

P R O V E R B S
What do these proverbs mean? Can you share some other proverbs?
The needle is always accompanied by the thread.—Korean
Strange is the affinity that binds two in marriage.—Japanese
Whoever marries only for beauty will live in misery.—Russian

T H E C O N V E R S A T I O N C O N T I N U E S …
1. Thinking about personal preferences, do you like to stay up late or
get up early? Do you have compatible sleeping habits?
2. Do you have similar media habits? What about tastes in TV shows
and movies?
3. Where do you prefer to live? Country? City? Farm? Apartment?
House?
4. Are you a pack rat? Are you a neat freak? Are your styles
compatible?
5. Will you still love your partner when he or she is 64? Will your
partner love you with wrinkles?
6. Do you know an older couple that might be a model for a good
partnership? Who are they?
7. What activities do you enjoy in your leisure time? Will your spouse
join you?
8. Do you and your lover share spending philosophies? Do you shop
together?
9. Do you expect to live with older generations? Who? Why? Where?
When?
10. What is your approach to settling conflicts? How often do you have
conflicts?
11. Do you want children? How many?
N O T E S & Q U E S T I O N S
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
1 0 6 • w w w. c o m p e l l i n g c o n v e r s a t i o n s . c o m

12. Do you believe in birth control? Why?
13. How do you think your baby would look like? Why?
14. What kind of parent do you expect your spouse to become? Why?
15. Would you want your sons to be like the man you’re marrying?
Would you want your daughters to be like the woman you’re
marrying?
16. Do you expect to follow family or religious traditions? Which ones?
Why?
17. If disagreements arise about children, how do you expect to
resolve them?
18. Do you think all money should be shared or should each spouse
have separate bank accounts? Why? How do you expect to
manage household expenses?
19. What were the best gifts that you’ve given or received in the
relationship?
20. What passions do you share? What unites you as a couple?
21. Do you have a favorite photograph of you as a couple? Can you
describe it?
22. Where do you want to travel together? What do you want to see
together?
23. What are you looking forward to doing together as a married
couple?
24. How do you expect your life to change once you are married?
What are some advantages of being married?
25. Do you have any tips or suggestions on how to create and preserve
a happy marriage?

Q U O T A T I O N S
Which two quotations come closest to your attitudes?
1. “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
—Socrates (470-339 BC), Greek philosopher
2. “Man’s best possession is a sympathetic wife.”
—Euripides (480-406 BC), playwright
3. “I’m so gullible. I’m so damn gullible. And I am so sick of being
gullible.”
—Lana Turner (1921-1995), Hollywood star married seven times
4. “Love is the ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the
real with the ideal never goes unpunished.”
—Goethe (1749-1832), German poet, novelist, and scientist
5. “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an
institution.”
—Mae West (1892-1980), American actress
7. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
—Ali McGraw in Love Story (1970)

“Love is the ideal thing, marriage a real
thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal
never goes unpunished.”
Goethe (1749-1832),
German poet, novelist, and scientist

Q U E S T I O N S A N D Q U OTAT I O N S O N T I M E L E S S TO P I C S • 1 0 7

8. “Marriage: A word that should be pronounced ‘mirage.’”
—Herbert Spencer (1820-1903), English philosopher
9. “No matter who you get married to, you wake up married to
somebody else.”
—Marlon Brando in Guys and Dolls (1955)
10. “Second marriage: the triumph of hope over experience.”
—Dr. Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English writer
11. “Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it’s a mistake to make a
habit of it.”
—W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), English novelist
12. “A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too
short.”
—Andre Maurois (1885-1967), French author
13. “A successful marriage is not a gift; it is an achievement.”
—Ann Landers (1918-2002), American advice columnist
★
O N Y O U R O W N
With your class partner, list three celebrity marriages that have ended in divorce. For each couple who divorced, list two reasons you think their marriage did not last.
Then, list three marriages of well known people that have lasted
more than 20 years. For each couple, list two reasons why you
think their marriage lasted. Share with the class.
1. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
2. …………………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
3. …………………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
1. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
2. …………………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
3. …………………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
• . ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
1 0 8 • w w w. c o m p e l l i n g c o n v e r s a t i o n s . c o m

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The Skinny on Smooching from Discovery News

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Do You Feel Rich Enough? What’s the Standard?

Jan 4

Posted by Chimayo Press in Compelling Conversations, EFL, ELL, adult education, conversation starters, workplace communication skills | 3 Comments

Talking about money remains problematic, but this conversation topic is more for self-reflection than classroom application. But please bear with me.

How rich are you? How much money would satisfy you? Americans, and many other people in consumer societies, sometimes seem to be pursuing a moving mirage of material happiness. The luxuries of one year become the perceived necessities the next year.

English teachers – and English language learners – are not immune to this problem. How rich are you on a strictly material level? Where do you stand from a global scale? ESL teachers continue to work part-time or hold two jobs, or even tutor English for extra cash. The economic crisis has only increased the sense of unease for many English teachers and English students.

Yet for Americans and English teachers feeling rather blue about our declining home values, vanishing retirement accounts, and questionable job security, this chart provides some useful perspective.

http://www.globalrichlist.com/

My score initially stunned me. (I was in the top 1% worldwide). While I have often been nervous about money, this chart reminds me to keep perspective. Of course, commonsense and a growing body of psychological and sociological research has documented the very, very loose correlation between material wealth and happiness – once the basic necessities of life are met. Satisfying personal relationships, long conversations with relatives and friends, and meaningful work remain vital essential for a truly rich life. The good life, as all the wisdom traditions remind us, means more than going to sleep surrounded by luxury goods.

So let’s make sure we find ways to create healthier, saner, and more satisfying lives and English classrooms in 2009 than 2008.

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