This question often causes people to pause, reflect, and change their dialogue. It gives us a chance to remember some moments of satisfaction, and reminds us that almost every day provides some unexpected moments. “What surprised you today” works too.

But I prefer adding the “pleasantly” to counter dialogues that can run to the negative. This positive question opens up room in a conversation for people to express gratitude for what has gone right – even in a difficult day. We bump into friends while shopping, see a new plant or flower in the yard, read something odd on the internet, or receive an unexpected call. As the ancient Latin proverb goes, “expect the unexpected.” Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t.

What has pleasantly surprised you today? English teachers can use this question as a writing cue, during student-teacher conferences, or with co-workers. Students, especially at more competitive schools, can often feel great stress. Asking students about what is going right in their lives can help them focusing only on the negative. In fact, almost every one can use a gentle nudge toward away from stress and toward gratitude.

So what pleasantly surprised me today? I noticed a new review for Compelling Conversations on Amazon written from Europe. A satisfied customer in Milan, Italy – Siano Luigi “EMY” called Compelling Conversations “a great help!”. This English teacher and private tutor wrote, “I find this book to be a great help for conversation lessons. It’s full of questions/tips/quotes that help students to discuss together, in group or individually on all kinds of different topics.” Given my limited distribution globally, this warm review from far away counts as a pleasant surprise!

Gratitude, as ever, seems appropriate. Finding ways to increase our gratitude for our 21st lives makes emotional sense. Asking this simple question is my fifth conversation tip. Help build gratitude, and create better conversations.

What has pleasantly surprised you today?

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Create Compelling Conversations.
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Everybody lives somewhere. Yet, as we know, not all homes are created equal – especially in the developing world with vast inequalities. Since I don’t speak the local language in Ho Chi Minh City, I have become far more reliant on fellow English teachers, co-workers, new friends, and real estate experts than usual in finding housing.

Ask more. Know more. Share more. Speak more.

So following my philosophy of seeking information through conversation, I’ve been asking many Vietnamese for advice as I hunt for a new apartment. Here are some useful questions.

– What districts/neighborhoods do you suggest? Why?

- What seems like a reasonable price for a two-bedroom?

- Can I walk around at night?

– Is the area safe?

– Should I pay in dollars or Vietnamese Dong? Why?

– What do you look for in an apartment? Why?

– Do you have a checklist of essential services? What’s on that checklist?

These last questions, by far, have lead to the most interesting conversations. One young office assistant instantly blurted out “money!” emphasizing the importance of price in her decision. Another young assistant focused on “privacy” and warned against renting a room with a family. ”What if you come back late at night? Will they give you a key? Will they say you make too much noise?” She proceeded to share some personal stories emphasizing the advantages of a private apartment. Note: she lives with her cousin now and can’t imagine living with her nuclear family or non-relatives. Interesting.

A rental agent offered some other advice. “You can change a home, but you can’t change a neighborhood so you choose the neighborhood first.” This agent, a friendly upworldly, mobile woman felt safety, quiet, and the comfort of living with international workers and “high class people”  were most important.  I agreed about safety, but observed that not all wealthy people were good people. “Yes, but they safe.”  I later noted the luxury hi-rise seemed quite quiet. “Are you afraid of quiet?” she asked in surprise.  In noisy Saigon, the idea seemed absurd. The sales agent asserted that this building complex is Vietnam’s future.

Given the humidity and tropical heat, air-conditioning remains a must too. Cable television, providing access to international channels and English language programs from around the world and adequate internet cable access have become defacto requirements too. These modern luxuries were added to my actual housing checklist as I visited more potential homes away from home.

I also like space and often miss the view from my father’s New York fantastic apartment.  So I’ve retained a soft spot for terraces overlooking urban areas. The hi-rise resembles Century City skyscraper in a crowded neighborhood of “traditional” buildings with narrow streets. The second apartment that I saw in the hi-rise offers magnificent views and a warm breeze. The attractive price remains only 10% of my monthly salary. I took the apartment. The place evokes, in an odd sense, a familiar feeling. This could become my home away from home.

What do you look for in an apartment?

Ask more. Know more. Share more.Create Compelling Conversations.

Visit www.CompellingConversations.com

“They know enough who know how to learn.”

- Henry Adams (1838-1918), American historian and educator

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